JoJo's Homoerotic Adventure is an anime based on a very successful manga that started in 1989, and holy fuck can you tell, even though the anime itself is only a couple of years old.
This anime is fucking crazy, in a brilliant way - so brilliant in fact that even though I am only part of the way through season two (or 'Stardust Crusaders' as it is also known), I feel compelled to write about the first season already.
If I had to sum up JoJo's Camp Adventure in one word it would be the word 'fabulous'. From the fact that one of the main objectives is to beat semi naked musclebound hunks with 80's rock hairdos and steal their body jewelry, to the beautiful eye make up on the Big Bad, who is named after The Cars. You know, that band that did that song that goes 'who's gonna drive you home - - - tonight?' that was always on the after dark radio shows when your dad was driving you somewhere late at night back in the day, when dads always played the radio in their cars.
I'm not kidding, Lord Kars really was named after that band. This is a major theme in JoJo's character naming - nearly every character's name is a hilariously distorted version of a 70's or 80's artist or band's name.
The first one I saw (Robert EO Speedwagon), I was like, 'haha, they named him after REO Speedwagon and I guess they thought nobody would notice'. But no, that's actually a thing in JoJo, you begin to really puzzle over the ones that aren't obvious. Like, sure, Dire and Straizo make up Dire Straits, and Suzi Q makes sense, but what the hell band is Esidisi? When I figured out it was AC/DC I wanted to fist bump myself. Working out that Waamu was meant to be Wham! involved some Googling, however, not because Waamu doesn't sound like Wham!, but because all the other music references were, well, cooler than Wham!. That and the fact the story and character design seemed a bit gayer than anything a George Michael fan would have come up with.
In fact, the only moment in JoJo that isn't homoerotic (or a reference to classic rock) is basically the bit when Joseph Joestar, the second generation JoJo (well, he's the grandson of the first JoJo having the titular Bizarre Adventure, but the second one you actually see doing anything - which means his dad was probably boring as fuck, or at least born in a time when the writers didn't have an excuse to put Jack The Ripper or Nazi cyborgs in the story... Oh yeah, there are Nazi cyborgs, but guess what - they're good guys!) is perving on his coach in the in-world martial art/superpower of 'hamon' when she takes a bath. It turns out later that this coach, Lisa Lisa (after Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam, some band that apparently once existed) is his mother, but looks half her age because her mastery of hamon slowed down her aging.
It is literally never addressed that he perved on his mother naked through a keyhole. Not even a hint of 'Luke and Leia' unintentional incest awkwardness.
Sure, the posturing and character design and the fact the friendships between the JoJos and their besties seem to go way beyond the usual shounen anime 'friendship is magic' level of gayness make this the campest anime I've ever seen, but the writers are really having fun with this aspect of the thing. There is a scene where JoJo and his companion are forced by their trainer to climb a large pillar soaked in oil using only their hands. This is innuendo dialled up to 11!
This season covers Jonathan Joestar, the first JoJo, and then later his grandson Joseph. The first part is set in old timey England, where Jonathan meets long term enemy Dio. Dio is literally the worst person ever. Seriously I hated him more than any anime villain I've ever seen before by the second episode, where he is just sort of a jerk kid with no powers or anything. That is how much of a wanker Dio is. Dio makes Prince Joffrey look like an affable sort of a bloke who you'd trust to look after your cat while you went on vacation.
Even though the setting is Dickensian, don't expect anybody to be acting like an English gentleman - everyone is as dramatic and over the top as you would want in a very dramatic and over the top example of anime, which is a medium that favours massively intense characters. When the series moves onto Joseph's story, we are taken to Italy but everyone there is pretty intense and Japanese too. Lisa Lisa is JoJo's mother, but she never once in the series forces him to eat three servings of lasagna, so I call bullshit on that version of Italy. The last bit, I'm not sure, is it meant to be Switzerland? Eh, I lost track because of all the sparkles and hair and body jewelry.
I really enjoyed JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. It was fucking ridiculous, but it still genuinely had an engaging story and some good action. It is a fun show that is hilarious without actually being a comedy, and will have you questioning how much of the innuendo the writers did on purpose and how much is just your own sick mind...
Tuesday, 7 April 2015
Thursday, 12 March 2015
Chaika - The Coffin Princess
Chaika - The Coffin Princess is the story of a cute retarded girl who meets up with Kirito from Sword Art Online, Kirito from Sword Art Online's sister Atari (who isn't his real sister and really wants to bang him... Actually that happens in Sword Art Online too, but the sister in Chaika is way cooler), and later, Filia the dragon from Slayers, and goes on a thrilling adventure.
Chaika, the titular princess, is on a quest to find all the gross disembodied parts of her dead dad so she can give him a nice funeral. These were spread all over the show's world (which is called something I can't remember that sounds like it should be the name of an IT consultancy) when he, The Taboo Emperor (which sounds badass) Arthur Gaz (which doesn't - Arthur Gaz sounds like a used car dealer) was defeated by eight heroes. Seems simple enough - beat the heroes, recover the gross disembodied parts of dead evil dad, job done. But actually it is all a lot more complicated than that.
The first episode had me on board as soon as the evil unicorn appeared, and was then defeated in such a way that unicorn body parts rained down on everybody involved. Evil unicorns. That's fucking cool. I was a bit bothered by the coffin, though - it had me wondering whether large parts of the show would just be the main characters trying to fathom out how to get the damn thing up stairs and through windows and whatnot. Fortunately, there isn't too much of that, so it isn't like watching an anime about a medieval removal firm.
One thing I noticed about this show was that there were a fuckload of car references. Chaika's last name is Trabant. There was a place called the Koenigsegg Empire. There was a dude called Lancia. I was expecting The Stig to pop up as one of the eight heroes. Or Herbie. Neither of these things happened, sadly.
A lot of reviews I have read of this show said that people were annoyed by how Chaika speaks. I actually thought it was cute (and am waiting for an excuse to say 'SHOCKING TRUTH!'), but there was a bit I didn't get. In season 2 when she meets Ursula the furry, she says Ursula's name means 'chaste flower' and they have a little chat about the good old days in the Gaz Empire. I took this to mean Chaika spoke like she does because whatever the fuck everyone else is speaking isn't her first language - her first language is Gazanese or whatever. After all, Layla, one of the other many and varied Chaikas (who are sort of like Mortal Combat ninjas in that they are distinguishable by colour and yet all have completely different badassnesses), speaks normally, so it isn't brain damage. Later in the same episode, she is talking to red Chaika, and they both talk in the retard way. Why don't they just talk between themselves in fluent Gazanese? I don't know why, but that bugged me.
I liked this show. It was actually a lot different from what I was expecting - the opening sequence, the name, and the design of Chaika had lead me to expect something a bit gothy and arty, and I fucking hate Tim Burton so I was glad that actually, that wasn't the case. Sure, it gets a bit dark if you think about the implications (Chaika is number 357. Number 357 of random orphan girls turned into tools to help Arthur Gaz resurrect himself), and that whole business with Prince Joffrey at the end of the first season is kind of disturbing, but in general the violence is more on the side of cool action than 'what the fuck weird Japanese shit am I watching?'. It's basically a classic style fantasy adventure, with dragons and magic and artifacts and all that business, with some cool touches to make it less dated than that sounds.
One thing I didn't like about it, however, was that the rules of the world were never really explained. That thing the saboteurs do, the 'iron blood transformation' - what does it actually do? It just seems to turn their hair red. Also, if it does actually improve their fighting skills, why don't they use it all the time? Does it take something out of them? It's never mentioned but they seem to wait until the middle of a fucking fight to activate it, which takes almost as long as the sparkly transformations in Sailor Moon. You'd think, as saboteurs, they'd be all about preparing their shit in advance.
Also, when Frederica (AKA Filia from Slayers only with the added ability to turn into a cat. I liked that because cats make everything better) offers to make a contract with Tooru (that's what Kirito is called in this) and turn him into a Dragoon (which is what dragons are called in this for some reason) Cavalier, why doesn't he bite her hand off (which it turns out is literally what he needs to do to make the contract)? No downside is specified, he gets to control a fucking dragon (or dragoon - whatever), and Frederica will stop trying to kill him. But, for no fucking reason, he deliberates until the final fucking fight before finally doing it. Sure, it looks cooler that way, but it would have worked better if there had been some sacrifice or negative side to it mentioned so we could see why he might take a while to make his mind up.
Other than the lack of real explanation about how stuff works in the world the show is set in though, it is pretty good. The pacing is decent, and apart from a couple of episodes in season 1 (including the obligatory 'let's pretend to be street performers' episode) there isn't much filler. The fights are generally about the right length too - long enough to be interesting, short enough to be exciting. It reached a proper conclusion within its two seasons, and didn't overstay its welcome. Not a classic or anything, but a solid, entertaining anime with likable characters, lots of action, and a story that is neither too complicated nor too obvious.
I don't like grading things out of ten, but I'd give this 7.859.
Chaika, the titular princess, is on a quest to find all the gross disembodied parts of her dead dad so she can give him a nice funeral. These were spread all over the show's world (which is called something I can't remember that sounds like it should be the name of an IT consultancy) when he, The Taboo Emperor (which sounds badass) Arthur Gaz (which doesn't - Arthur Gaz sounds like a used car dealer) was defeated by eight heroes. Seems simple enough - beat the heroes, recover the gross disembodied parts of dead evil dad, job done. But actually it is all a lot more complicated than that.
The first episode had me on board as soon as the evil unicorn appeared, and was then defeated in such a way that unicorn body parts rained down on everybody involved. Evil unicorns. That's fucking cool. I was a bit bothered by the coffin, though - it had me wondering whether large parts of the show would just be the main characters trying to fathom out how to get the damn thing up stairs and through windows and whatnot. Fortunately, there isn't too much of that, so it isn't like watching an anime about a medieval removal firm.
One thing I noticed about this show was that there were a fuckload of car references. Chaika's last name is Trabant. There was a place called the Koenigsegg Empire. There was a dude called Lancia. I was expecting The Stig to pop up as one of the eight heroes. Or Herbie. Neither of these things happened, sadly.
A lot of reviews I have read of this show said that people were annoyed by how Chaika speaks. I actually thought it was cute (and am waiting for an excuse to say 'SHOCKING TRUTH!'), but there was a bit I didn't get. In season 2 when she meets Ursula the furry, she says Ursula's name means 'chaste flower' and they have a little chat about the good old days in the Gaz Empire. I took this to mean Chaika spoke like she does because whatever the fuck everyone else is speaking isn't her first language - her first language is Gazanese or whatever. After all, Layla, one of the other many and varied Chaikas (who are sort of like Mortal Combat ninjas in that they are distinguishable by colour and yet all have completely different badassnesses), speaks normally, so it isn't brain damage. Later in the same episode, she is talking to red Chaika, and they both talk in the retard way. Why don't they just talk between themselves in fluent Gazanese? I don't know why, but that bugged me.
I liked this show. It was actually a lot different from what I was expecting - the opening sequence, the name, and the design of Chaika had lead me to expect something a bit gothy and arty, and I fucking hate Tim Burton so I was glad that actually, that wasn't the case. Sure, it gets a bit dark if you think about the implications (Chaika is number 357. Number 357 of random orphan girls turned into tools to help Arthur Gaz resurrect himself), and that whole business with Prince Joffrey at the end of the first season is kind of disturbing, but in general the violence is more on the side of cool action than 'what the fuck weird Japanese shit am I watching?'. It's basically a classic style fantasy adventure, with dragons and magic and artifacts and all that business, with some cool touches to make it less dated than that sounds.
One thing I didn't like about it, however, was that the rules of the world were never really explained. That thing the saboteurs do, the 'iron blood transformation' - what does it actually do? It just seems to turn their hair red. Also, if it does actually improve their fighting skills, why don't they use it all the time? Does it take something out of them? It's never mentioned but they seem to wait until the middle of a fucking fight to activate it, which takes almost as long as the sparkly transformations in Sailor Moon. You'd think, as saboteurs, they'd be all about preparing their shit in advance.
Also, when Frederica (AKA Filia from Slayers only with the added ability to turn into a cat. I liked that because cats make everything better) offers to make a contract with Tooru (that's what Kirito is called in this) and turn him into a Dragoon (which is what dragons are called in this for some reason) Cavalier, why doesn't he bite her hand off (which it turns out is literally what he needs to do to make the contract)? No downside is specified, he gets to control a fucking dragon (or dragoon - whatever), and Frederica will stop trying to kill him. But, for no fucking reason, he deliberates until the final fucking fight before finally doing it. Sure, it looks cooler that way, but it would have worked better if there had been some sacrifice or negative side to it mentioned so we could see why he might take a while to make his mind up.
Other than the lack of real explanation about how stuff works in the world the show is set in though, it is pretty good. The pacing is decent, and apart from a couple of episodes in season 1 (including the obligatory 'let's pretend to be street performers' episode) there isn't much filler. The fights are generally about the right length too - long enough to be interesting, short enough to be exciting. It reached a proper conclusion within its two seasons, and didn't overstay its welcome. Not a classic or anything, but a solid, entertaining anime with likable characters, lots of action, and a story that is neither too complicated nor too obvious.
I don't like grading things out of ten, but I'd give this 7.859.
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